Sunday, December 8, 2013

Letter To My Hero

It's amazing how much influence one person can have on your life.

When people ask me who that person is in my life,
Hero, I always think of you immediately.
When people ask me how I figured out what I want to do with my life,
Hero, your name always comes to my head immediately.

When I met you for the first time,
I never realized the impact you would make on me.

I was a kid in the church's kids choir.
Third grade, and carefree.

You came in as the worship college intern.
You worked with the kids choir,
taught us songs,
taught us dances,
taught us about Jesus.

I saw you on stage on Sundays,
saw you at choir on Wednesdays.
Looking back, it's weird to think of a time when you weren't there.

I remember how fast I grew to love you,
to love seeing you around.

I remember the day you announced it was your last time with us.
You were only an intern, after all.

But then, there you were, again and again.
They had hired you as the worship pastor.
Of course.
Who wouldn't? ;)

I looked up to you, that's for sure.
Throughout the years you became my role model.

I remember the time in fifth grade when we were preparing for our kids choir performances.
You asked my two [new] best friends to do a skit or an act to say during the whole show.
I didn't get a part :(

I remember I got an extra copy of the lines and I memorized the whole thing.
I even added in my own lines that I could say if you wanted to add me in.
(I never told you about that part lol!)

One time after practice you were talking to my friends about how it was going memorizing the lines.
It was them two, you, and I standing by the piano.
I remember this moment so well, and I don't know why.

After us talking for a minute or two, I remember you saying to me,
"Bridget you used to be the quiet one!
Now you're friends with these two and now I can't get you to stop talking!"
I laughed and smiled, and decided it didn't matter if I had an acting part in the show.

The next year, starting my sixth grade year, you started a middle school praise team.
I signed up to be a singer.
For the first half of the year, I sang.
I had absolutely no intentions to do anything else.
Not piano.
You couldn't make me.
Besides, I didn't know exactly how to read chords.

Well I started messing around with it at home.
My dad was away on a trip and I taught myself how to do it.
When he came home, he showed me more into it.

A few weeks later and we were with the praise team and that particular day there wasn't a keyboardist there.
I don't quite remember who told me to go up there to the keyboard, but there I ended up.
I don't remember the whole set list, but I know Indescribable was one of the songs.

I struggled some; playing chords was new to me.
But it didn't matter. It was a one time thing.
I would go back to singing only the next time.
Except that's not how it worked out.

You and the other leader kept pushing me.
I didn't want to do it; I'll be honest. I didn't.

Over the next little bit, you taught me how to play.
I watched you play your keyboard.
I listened.
I soaked it all in.
I got better.

I remember specifically one time when you were playing along on your keyboard during practice.
You had stopped, but I kept going.
When we reached the end of the song, the other adult leader looked at me and said words I won't ever forget.
He said, "I was facing the other way listening and I was about to turn around and tell him to stop playing.
But when I turned around, he wasn't playing. It was you."
And he complimented me.

I had come so far.
From not being able to read chords, to being able to play like you could.
I felt so much success in that moment.

That was the turning point, I think.
The point where I no longer wanted to be just a singer.
I was stuck on being behind the Esoniq KT-88 keyboard.

The rest of middle school, it was all I wanted to do.
You put me in charge of a small band in eighth grade, and I loved every second of it.
All the while, I kept watching you to see what else I could pick up.
You were my role model, my inspiration.

The summer that my dad deployed, I thought of you as a second dad to me.
Idon't know if I ever told you (or many people) that.
But it's true.

You were always always there for me no matter what.
Musically, spiritually, whatever.
All of it.

I remember when we found out we were moving.
You said it wasn't fair.
I couldn't imagine going anywhere without you there.

I remember the night before the day we drove away from Ohio.
I laid in a sleeping bag on the floor.
Sobbing.
I couldn't do it.

I had finally stopped crying and calmed down enough to go to sleep.
And then your face came into my head and instantly I started sobbing again.

Just a few weeks earlier, I wanna say after playing at my last Elevate, we passed in the gym.
You said, "Bridget is my hero!"
I said back, "Mr. Andrew is my hero!"
Of course, that made both of us crack up.
Why in the world did I say Mr??
That was only for the kids choir, and I hadn't said it since.

Right then and there in that moment, I didn't realize how true my statement was.
But then I thought on it, and it's 100% accurate.
You are my hero, in every sense of the word.
You have made such an impact on my life.
A huge, huge impact.

I grimmance when I think about where I would be musically without you.
You taught me pretty much everything I know when it comes to playing chords and playing with a band.
I don't even know if I would still be doing piano if it weren't for you.

Some people have asked me how I know that I want to be a worship pastor.
Truth is, I probably would have had no idea if it weren't for you.
I love what you do and I want to do it too.

I've looked up to you since I was a little kid.
These past few years away from you being in Virginia have been hard.

It's hard because you're not here.
It's hard because everything I worked for with you... I had to start over when I got here.

Not to mention, you've been our own personal guidance counceler as far as college goes ;)
You're the one who introduced me to Cedarville.
You told me about the worship camps, which also made a huge impact on my life.
Now though that I have narrowed it down to a few schools, you've given a ton of advice with them.

The day before I auditioned on piano for Lee University, you texted me.
(it's now saved in my phone and forever will be :) )
You told me I was in your prayers and that I needed to play with strength and confidence,
and to know that I belong in music because it's my gift given to me by God.
(that meant a ton).
"He will provide you with peace and courage.
Pursue Him and use your gift to honor Him.
Soli Deo Gloria!!"

I started crying! It meant so much to me!

That, along with the Facebook message just a month after I moved,
were some of the most meaningful words people have ever said to me.

You've done so much for me, hero.
(including shipping my Ensoniq KT-88 keyboard to me when y'all decided to get rid of it ;)

So so much.

This all just scratches the surface.

I am so so thanful for you.

And thank you for pushing me.
For helping me be the person I am today.

Even if you are 600 miles away now.
I hate that part.
You're one of the people in Ohio I miss the very most.

I miss you and your beautiful wife,
and your two little kids who I am missing growing up because they were born after we were gone.

Keep on being awesome, hero.

Never forget me, please.
No matter how old I get,
no matter where I go in this life.
I don't know when the next time I will see you will be.
Because quite honestly, I don't know when I'm coming home.
Even if its ten years from now, you better know who I am ;)

I think that's all I have to say for right now.

Thank you for all you've done in my life.

I know I'm not speaking for only myself when I say you've made a huge impact.

Love,
Bridget Colleen


Soli Deo Gloria!


Thursday, September 5, 2013

loving life

hey all.

life is crazy.
dont you all agree?
I don't know who's reading this
or even if anyone is
but I think anyone would agree about life.


it's busy.
it's stressfull.
it's long.
it's boring.
it's slow.
it's fast.
it's unpredictable.
it's nothing you expect.
it's crazy.

Sometimes life explodes on you
and you don't have time to do the little things.
Like this blog.
Obviously, I've been lacking.
I haven't written in over a year.
Who knows when the last time I even thought about blogging was.
I've been so busy.
And on top of that,
who ever knows what to write??

All that said,
today I was bored and had a geneous idea.
Why don't I go to that old blog page and read some of my old stuff?

So I did.

I read my whole story
and I won't lie
I almost cried.

It took me back to the time when everything was wrong,
the time when I was still figuring things out for myself in Virginia.

But there was one thing that stuck out to me when I was reading.
It wasn't anything that I had actually published.
It was only a draft.
I don't know why I never posted it.
I probably didn't think it was good, etc etc.
But when I read it this time, it hit me in a new way.

That even back then,
when I was hurting,
when I was in pain,
I still knew the Truth.
I still knew things would be okay.

Here is what I wrote:

Hey!! :)

So if you're reading this, then you probably know who I am, and you probably know my story. You know where i'm from and you know where I am.

Well, just in case, let me refresh your memory.

My parents are from Buffalo, New York. I was born in Boston, Massachusetts. I moved to Ohio when I was three. I moved to Virginia when I was fourteen.

Now I am fifteen, just over eleven months later...and I have to say... that major move from Ohio to here.... it was a journey, let me tell you. Probably the hardest thing I have done in the course of my small life.

Why am I telling you this?

Easy.

You see that title up there, right? Big letters. Loving Life.
Now look a little bit further up. Don't Forget to Love Life.

That's why.

I made so many mistakes in that journey. I learned so many things the hard way.

Look, friend, I don't know who you are. I don't know what you are going through. I don't know who is reading this. I don't know if anyone is reading this. But I have to say one thing.

It's not over.

Yeah, that's right.

A few days before the big move, I was texting one of my closest friends. I was complaining. I was telling her about how scared I was. About how I didn't want this to happen. About how I wish I could change things. I was scared, and I didn't know what was going to happen. You know, she texted me one thing, and it's stayed in my brain ever since. It was simple, just a few lines of typing, but it meant so much. It was a Bible verse.
You know which one?

1 Peter 5:7
Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you.
(NLT)

I don't know if that was the same version. I don't know what version she sent it to me in. But you know what? It's all the same. Means the same thing.

God cares for you. And me.
Woah.
Do you know what that means?

It's not over.

Even when you feel like your life is crashing down around you, even when you feel like you can't go on... He's always there for you. He will never leave you. No matter what.

It doesn't matter where you've been.
It doesn't matter what you've done.
It doesn't matter how many times you've succeeded, how many times you've failed, how many times you've just plain given up.

It's not over, and God is still with you.

Always.

All the way, through this whole move, I was so determined to be miserable.
I was so determined to have an awful time and have no fun.

I don't know what I thought I would prove.

But it took me forever to realize that life isn't over, God's still with me, and it's not the end.

Don't forget to love this life you're in because it's the only one you have and it isn't over yet.